Journey through June with 3 Coping Skills

As we approach summer, we often think of road trips. When I was a kid, my dad used to take us for drives through the mountains. While I did not like getting car sick, I did learn to appreciate the changes of both seasons and scenery. As an adult, I enjoy the freedom of the journey and the curiosity about "what's around the next corner."

We often think in metaphors about our own journeys. A surprising amount of clients have expressed themselves through a vehicle metaphor:

1. Feeling tired and need more "gas in the tank"

2. "Getting stuck in a rut"

3. Feeling deflated like a "flat tire"

4. Wishing they were "farther down the road" than they currently are

5. Wanting a map or navigation system to help them "find my way"

6. Need a "pit stop" and access self care

7. Optimistic about change-"I just need an oil change and I can get back on the road!"

8. Recognizing that we all need "break fully at stop signs" and take breaks during our busy days

9. Sometimes we need to "stop for the night" on our long drives and take a longer rest to recover

10. Respecting the fact that we might be "high mileage" vehicles, but we are also "a classic"

Have you ever felt this way?

Often clients arrive to session having experienced therapy before working with me. They tell me how overwhelmed they were when told by well meaning therapists "use your coping skills." Tip sheets, workbooks and online videos are filled with good intention yet can be an information overload. Everyone is unique-just like every car is! One client told me, "It's too much to remember when I'm having a panic attack. I don't think about looking at the 99 coping skills worksheet. I end up forgetting all the skills and try to just breathe."

I encourage my clients to change gears and think about having only 3 skills. If we expand the vehicle metaphor, every vehicle has a brake pedal and an emergency brake inside the drivers area. We can think of two simple coping tools to use internally to help us slow down. We need a brake pedal. This is our go-to skill. It needs to be one we can do on our own, at a moment's notice. We are creating a new, safe habit of being. Also, we can ethically experiment from these suggestions and determine what works best for us.

Suggestions for Brake Pedal-- Choose 1

1. Box Breathing

2. Hand Breathing

3. Alternate Nostril Breathing

4. Shoulder Roll and Deep Breath

5. Neutral Affirmation: In this moment, I'm okay (as long as this is true)

6. Positive Affirmation: I am in control of my vehicle and know where I want to go

7. Drink something cool like fresh water

8. Drink something warm like tea or (decaf?) coffee

9. Hold an ice-cube if you have access

10. Mindfully wash your hands and focus upon temperature of water, smell of soap and so forth if you have access to a sink

Next, we need an emergency brake. This is helpful if our brake pedal -short and simple skill- doesn't work. We are seeking to create a new

Suggestions for Emergency Brake-- Choose 1

1. Listen to music

2. Butterfly Hug

3. Self Hug

4. Gentle stretches

5. Doodling on paper

6. Bilateral stimulation such as going for a walk or dancing

7. RAIN model by Tara Brach to self coach

8. Reframe a negative thought to a more positive thought

9. Journaling thoughts/feelings to work through the moment

10. Read something enjoyable if you need temporary distraction

There might be times we need something more. In mountainous areas, you might have seen run away truck ramps. They are long uphill dirt paths that vehicles direct themselves towards, using gravity and friction to slow down. In my exploration of this theme, I have discovered that different geographic areas have different needs, and thus different ramp styles. Other countries have a wide variety of designs I've only seen in videos. Yet, they all have one goal in mind-as safely as possible, stop a run away vehicle. If the other two skills were internal resources, this third skill is our external resource. There might be times we need outside help to slow down and feel safe again.

Suggestions for Run Away Truck Ramp Skills-- Choose 1 and go from there

1. Call a safe person and express your thoughts and feelings for outside support

2. Get to a safe physical location and practice your internal coping skills

3. Snuggle a pet if you have one- they love us unconditionally!

4. Depending on severity-seek professional help

There aren't as many ideas in this category because as stress increases, we need choices to decrease. What will keep you and your vehicle safe? How can we prevent a crash?

Once we are back on the road, with new more functional brakes, we can explore other types of self care skills. We can see what's around the corner more clearly and better process some of the other helpful skills recommended to us such as hobbies, volunteering, community clubs, and more. For example: My family didn't start fostering kittens until we felt a bit "off course" because of the stressors related to the pandemic. We needed a new way to live out our core values internally and feel connected to others externally. You might be surprised what's around the corner for you as you journey onward-just remember to check your brakes every now and then!